Adventure Day One

March 18, 2010 –Believing starts when we are small, our “someone” is usually our mother or father, and our “something” might be a blanket or a teddy bear.  As we grow up the “someone” and “something” changes.  Who we are and what we believe is shaped by our family, our culture, our environment, even our heroes.  The bottom line is that you have freewill to believe, it is an anchor that grounds you.

Rickey writes, Mile Marker Four: Believe in Someone or Something - don’t give up on your faith.

My roots in South Louisiana run deep.  Although I had not lived there since 1975, things you learn growing up stay with you.  Many of the people of that area, including my family, are devout Roman Catholics.  It was no surprise that along with the get well wishes I received from family came prayers, church masses, holy cards, and religious articles.  I appreciated each of them, not just because of what they represented, but who sent them, who shared their special religious items with me in my time of need.  It is not just our bodies that need healing, but our souls, our whole being.  I took a special liking to one of these items - the “miraculous medal” of Mary, Jesus’ mother.  It was sent to me by my sister, Judy.  I wore it around my neck.  Over time it represented more than religious beliefs - although important, it represented family, by blood and choice, all the get well wishes, all the prayers, the visitors, the medical staff, but most of all, my wife, PJ. She was there on behalf of all those that couldn’t be with me. She was there to represent those I couldn’t see, but knew were there.  She not only was there to share the journey, she was there to help guide the journey - day and night, almost 24/7. She is the “who” I believe in.  She is what makes me whole. So, wrapped up in this medal was my life.  As long as I held on to the medal and what it meant to me, I held on to hope – I held on to life.  It represented everything and everyone outside that hospital room.

The ring that held this medal to the chain was quite fragile.  On more than one occasion the medal slipped off and disappeared beneath the sheets of the hospital bed, or down inside my pajamas.  Like life itself, it’s very existence, for me, hung by a “thread”.  I considered myself fortunate each time I recovered it.  Once, I lost it and couldn’t find it.  As time passed, I believed it to be lost forever.  I expressed my disappointment, all the things it represented were still there, but the one object that represented it was gone.  Judy’s daughter, Helen, volunteered another miraculous medal, I accepted it with appreciation, but I had grown fond of the old one.  Somehow, somewhere, I don’t remember how or where, the old medal showed up while I was still in the hospital.  Maybe someone put it away for safekeeping during a “moment”.  Tarnished and worn, it was back.  None of the things it represented ever left me, they had been with me all along, but, it was comforting to have that “something” back.

I still carry that medal to this day.  With or without it, I carry all the hope and love it represents. It is what I believe it to be.  The “who” I believe in – PJ, my wife, my angel, my love, my family who gives me love and support and God who brings all this together. So believe in someone or something…maybe believing in both is where the truth lies. Even when you believe in something, it’s more than one thing, it is many things.  It is you that must believe in yourself.  You must believe that when and where your journey ends, you have made the best of it.

Rickey’s experience in ICU back in February 2003 was the most scared I had been since we received the news in November that Rickey’s chemotherapy had not worked.  During that trying time, a friend sent me a simple message of support… “four year old is adding her prayers!”  I can just imagine a cherub faced little girl kneeling next to her bed asking “someone” bigger than her to make Rickey better.  In trying times many people get angry with God.  Anger is a destructive emotion that distracts you from what you really need to be doing, embracing the journey, making the most of what time you have and giving back to those you love.  Don’t give up on your faith; faith is what gives us strength.  What do you believe in? 

Until our next blog – remember life is an adventure, embrace the journey.  You can make a difference one day at a time. 

Share your adventure with us!

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February 28, 2010 –Word got out that things had changed, that there were problems, and the emails started coming in… How is Rickey doing - last I heard he was in ICU.  What are the docs saying?  How are you holding up?   We foolishly thought we were out of the woods…this adventure came without a map, we knew there would be twists and turns, but they came when least expected.

February 07, 2003 3:43 PM
PJ writes:

Adventure Update:  Well, this is Nader time, the lowest point in the 40 day cycle, of which we do a total of four cycles, this being cycle number two.  It is when Rickey has the least white blood cells, and he can not fight infection.  We spend this time at home and wait for the fever to start.  Rickey’s fever started yesterday, at home at 10 AM, by 2 PM he had hit 103.6 and by 8PM we were rolling Rickey from our room on the ward to the ICU.  This time the infection was invasive to his entire body, unlike the last infection that was isolated only to his mouth.  This broad spread infection was causing very low blood pressure and increased heart rate.  To top it all off, the hospital ward is packed, not a bed open and the blood product supply is low.  To ensure 24×7 eye coverage and the first priority of blood, they made the choice to move him to ICU. In addition, lower bottom pain, caused them to take him into surgery at 6AM this morning, luckily, no source of infection was found, and by that time, the three antibiotics had stabilized his fever.  Rickey will stay in ICU anywhere from 24-48 hours longer and then return to his room on the ward.  Needless to say, life quickly filled back up with worry but seems to be subsiding with each hour that Rickey is fever free.  With the help of prayers, we hope to have him home within seven days, and then the routine starts over with recovery time until cycle three starts the process all over again in March.

The journey had taught us there are a few things that repeat themselves; the chemo goes in, Rickey goes home, the fever starts, Rickey goes to the hospital, we pray Rickey’s number are good, Rickey goes home to gain strength to return to the hospital to start again.  Although infection is not uncommon during this part of chemo cycle, the type of infection and the severity is always unknown – the luck of the draw determines the twists or turns we take.  It could be anything that triggers the infection, something or someone in the environment that Rickey contacts; it all weighs in as factors to the outcome.  What map are you following today, where are you expecting to go and what unexpected turns will pop up on your journey that you will need to react to – quickly – are you ready?   

Until our next blog – remember life is an adventure, embrace the journey.  You can make a difference one day at a time. 

Share your adventure with us!

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February 21, 2010 –Does anyone really know the toll chemotherapy takes on one’s body, the chemicals that are required to kill the disease also fatigues the mind and spirit.  What better way to gain strength than at home with family.  Rickey was resting at home to gain the strength he needed to take on the next round of chemotherapy.  When you walk out the door of the hospital all you feel is relief that you get another tomorrow, but as we all know, tomorrow comes too fast and what time we get with family is priceless.  

January 17, 2003 8:58 AM

Rickey writes:

Home Again!  Keith and his daughter Emily are visiting from New Hampshire.  Took a trip to the Annapolis Mall and felt very self-conscious, no eyebrows and no eye lashes, but neither Keith nor Emily treated me any different – I was still me, even though my hat was too big now that I had no hair.  I watched people to see if they were watching me, if they knew I was sick, but no one was different, it was me that was different and I knew it.  I realized, as I watched my granddaughter play, that ordinary everyday moments bring such simple joys.  It was good to feel normal again, trying to pack in as much as possible before returning to the hospital.

January 22, 2003 8:45 AM

Rickey writes:

First, I’m back in the hospital for second chemo consolidation of three, maybe four if my health can take it.  I’ll go home Saturday to await my Nader, then return.  I am feeling really healthy.  If I wasn’t sick, I wouldn’t know I was.  Last Thursday I went to Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, this area’s leukemia experts, on a referral from Bethesda to talk about bone marrow transplant.   It turned out to be much more.  The Doctor there, being more experienced in the field, told me several encouraging things.  He suggested that my bone marrows tests might have been taken too soon after chemo and didn’t give the cancer a chance to show it died. He likened it to cutting a flower and putting it in a vase.  It looks alive for a while, before it shows signs of wilting, but the flower was actually dead when you cut it.  He puts me in a moderate risk category, not a high risk, which means I do not need a transplant unless I come out of remission, then it would be one of my options, and my risk level is as high as it will get.  Bethesda said the older I get the worse the transplant risk was, but they are getting better everyday.  Also, the longer I’m in remission, the greater chance I have of staying in remission.  I’m now in a 50% group of being cured vice a 10% group.  Of course, all the risks are still there, short remission, etc, but this was encouraging. I dread going back to the hospital because I feel so good, but I know its all part of the plan.  The Doctor at Johns Hopkins did say the Chemo Plan Bethesda has me on is a very good one. So all in all things are looking up, what else could they do? 

Good news always gives us a boost of energy.  In the middle of his cancer treatment Rickey saw the silver lining in everything.  How do we survive this adventure called life, expect by looking at the positive in everyone and in everything, only then can we see past ourselves and embrace each day with a zest for tomorrow. 

Until our next blog – remember life is an adventure, embrace the journey.  You can make a difference one day at a time. 

Share your adventure with us!

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